


Encephalitis disseminata

by Septdeneuf



Category: One Piece
Genre: Gen, Major Illness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-09
Updated: 2014-04-09
Packaged: 2018-01-18 18:23:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1438129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Septdeneuf/pseuds/Septdeneuf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zoro had never thought there would be anything that he could not defeat. Especially not his own body...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Encephalitis disseminata

Being in tune with your swords to the point that you could sense their opinions on things was all nice and well. Unless one of them was an asshole, of course. 

Having his left arm keep cramping up in the middle of the kata was annoying enough without Kitetsu taunting him for it. Zoro had had some issues with that for a few days. He'd figured it was from overdoing it in his training and had decided to use his tried and true method for dealing with such issues. Namely, train even more. 

It hadn't really helped. His left arm kept seizing up almost immovable at random points of movement, and each and every time without fail he'd hear Kitetsu making fun of it. 

This morning it had happened twice in the middle of the same exercise, and while he'd been able to get it moving again fairly quickly both times, he knew if that happened in the middle of a battle he'd be in trouble. 

So maybe the point had come to talk to Chopper about it. He hadn't thus far, because he could predict the little reindeer's reaction pretty well. Namely yelling at Zoro for overdoing it, and not coming to him earlier and then forbidding him to train for a while, which would inevitably be followed by more yelling when Zoro failed to adhere to that. 

But maybe the little reindeer had some remedy for it. Some ointment or relaxing pills or something that would make the cramps go away so he could train more effectively again. And that would probably be worth the annoyance of being yelled at by someone who spent most of his time in a form that barely reached above Zoro's knees. 

With a sigh he sheathed his swords and made his way to the infirmary. 

"Hey Chopper", he said when he entered. The Doctor was sitting at his desk squinting at the label of a small bottle. 

"I should really relabel everything immediately after buying it, some apothecaries have the worst handwriting…" Chopper's musings seemed to be directed more at himself than at his guest. "I really have no idea what's in here, but if I bought it it's probably something useful…", he trailed off and put the bottle back on the table. 

"Oh hey Zoro, what brings you here?", Chopper swiveled his chair around while asking. 

"I've been having some cramps and I thought you might have something for that", Zoro explained. 

"Did you overdo it on your training again? You know it's not effective if you push yourself too much", Chopper admonished. Just as Zoro had predicted it. 

"Yes, I know", Zoro said. They'd never agree on Zoro's training habits and he'd found that the conversations were a lot less of a hassle when he just went with what Chopper wanted and then referred to his own judgment when it came to actually implementing the advice. 

"Sit down over there, show me where it hurts", Chopper said, pointing at the cot. Zoro did as told. 

"It doesn't really hurt, but sometimes my left arm just cramps up", he explained, waving at the general area of his left side. 

"Hm", Chopper said. "Any factors that make it happen, as far as you've noticed?"

"Not really." 

Chopper hopped onto the cot on Zoro's left side and took the swordsman's arm in both hooves. He looked at it critically, turned it a few times, and then tested its range of movement. "Tell me if anything hurts." 

Nothing did. But when Chopper bent the arm at the elbow quickly it seized up and refused moving any further. "Huh. That's what it's been doing? Especially with fast movements?", Chopper asked, trying it a few more times and always getting the same result. 

"Yeah pretty much", Zoro confirmed. He hadn't thought of the fast movements before, but now that he considered it that was probably accurate. He'd barely had any problems when lifting weights, but swinging his swords around it had happened a lot more frequently. 

"Nothing on the other side?", Chopper asked. He climbed over Zoro's lap with a great disregard for possibly damaging the swordsman's crotch and tested the same movements on the other side.

"Not that I've noticed", Zoro said. True to his word the other arm didn't protest the movement at all. 

"Okay stay there", Chopper said, hopping off the cot again. He went to his desk and got a silver hammer and a tuning fork, oddly enough. 

"Keep your arms relaxed, don't flex them or anything", Chopper said. He transformed into his human form while talking and took Zoro's left arm in his hand, letting it dangle down to the floor. With the hammer in his other hand he hit the tendon leading from Zoro's upper arm to his elbow and watched as Zoro's arm swung out reflexively at that. It was a weird feeling, seeing yourself move without having had any input into it. 

Next he put Zoro's arm into his lap, instructing him again not to flex it and put his fingers on two other spots before hitting the hammer on them. Zoro's hand did a weird twitch both times. 

The reindeer moved to the other side and repeated the same steps and even without knowing anything about medicine Zoro could tell that the corresponding twitches weren't nearly as dramatic in his right arm. 

"Hmm…" Chopper hummed, but he didn't offer any other insight into what he thought of that. 

He led Zoro through a series of odd exercises, including putting the tuning fork on various parts of his body, making him squeeze Chopper's hands as hard as he could and having him make weird faces. Zoro wasn't quite sure what shining a light in his eye and pressing down on various spots on his face had to do with muscle cramping, but he supposed he'd just be here longer if he protested so he let the Doctor do his thing without complaint. 

When Chopper took his head in both of his hands and moved it around however, Zoro finally felt like complaining. 

"Ow", he said as a searing feeling ran down his spine as Chopper bent his neck forward. 

"How did that feel?", Chopper asked, and Zoro didn't miss the concerned tone in the doctor's voice. 

"Kinda like an electric shock down my spine", Zoro said grumpily. 

"Have you had any fever? Headaches? Nausea?", Chopper said, pulling out a thermometer and shoving it into Zoro's mouth before the swordsman had any chance of answering. Zoro shook his head to all three. 

"I want to take your blood and examine your cerebrospinal fluid", Chopper announced and turned around to look through one of his drawers. He retrieved a few test tubes and two needles, one of which was significantly larger than the other. Zoro wasn't afraid of the pain but he still didn't like the look of that needle. 

Chopper took his blood while Zoro still had the thermometer in his mouth. Once he'd stuck an adhesive bandage to the spot he took out the thermometer. "Your temperature's normal", Chopper announced. "Okay I need you to turn around and hug this pillow." Chopper handed him the bed's large pillow, but Zoro didn't take it. 

"I don't need to hug a pillow for comfort", Zoro said testily. Sure the needle was pretty large and having Chopper stick it into his spine somewhere wasn't Zoro's favorite activity for this afternoon, but that did not mean he needed to cry into a pillow. 

"Oh that's not what I mean. I just need you to be in a specific position and when someone's curled around a pillow while sitting up it's the easiest to get to the spinal canal", Chopper explained. Grudgingly, Zoro did as asked and took the pillow. 

"Just don't paralyze me", Zoro said as he turned around. Curling himself around the pillow made him feel like a little kid, but if Chopper thought this would help who was he to argue? 

"Oh that's not actually possible there", Chopper said. "Lean forward a bit more please." He sprayed something cold on Zoro's lower back. "The spinal cord itself actually ends much higher than that, it's just the nerves running down to where they need to go and they swim in the cerebrospinal fluid and you can't really damage them with a needle like this." 

"Slight pinch", Chopper said. Or lied would be more accurate. Zoro grit his teeth against the sting, reminding himself that it was nothing compared to other wounds he'd gotten. Thankfully it only took a short moment until Chopper said he was at the right spot and didn't need to move the needle anymore. 

"So do you have something for those cramps?", Zoro asked to distract himself from the idea that Chopper made his brain drip out of his back. He knew that wasn't true, but it was weird anyway. 

"Uh, probably, I just want to make sure you don't have an infection or anything before I treat you", the doctor said. "I think I have enough, now. I think I'll have the results by tomorrow then I'll give you something."

"Okay, then, thanks", Zoro said and stood up to get back to his training. 

"Wait!", Chopper suddenly yelled. Probably trying to tell him not to train too much. "You still have a needle in your back!"

"Oh." 

* * *

When Chopper called him to the infirmary a little after lunch the next day Zoro hadn't really been thinking about the cramps at all. While doing weight training it didn't happen too often, and having gone to their doctor kind of felt like dealing with it, even though he hadn't taken any medicine yet. 

"Hey Zoro", Chopper said when he entered the infirmary. "So, you don't have an infection, I'm pretty sure." 

"Okay, good. So do you have an ointment or something?" 

"Actually I still have some questions", Chopper said hesitantly. "Do you want to sit down?" 

Zoro did as he was told. He didn't like the tone Chopper had, but he reminded himself that the reindeer was prone to being overly worried. 

"Have you ever had any other symptoms like this? This cramping, or maybe a tingling sensation, or numbness that went away after a few days? Or pain where you didn't know where it came from?" 

Zoro tried to think back on it, but he couldn't really come up with anything. "Not really." He was in pain pretty often because of his training, anyway, but that didn't seem unexplained to him at all. 

"Vision problems, maybe?" 

"Oh no, I have perfect depth perception", Zoro said sarcastically, raising the eyebrow of his remaining functioning eye. 

"Right, I didn't even think of that! Could you see out of your eye properly when you lost it?"

Zoro tried to remember that day. It wasn't his favorite memory if he was honest, defeat never was, and while he hadn't lost the fight overall, losing his eye to a baboon of all things didn't make him happy. 

But he'd had trouble focusing his vision then, particularly on his left side. He'd mostly thought it was because of the exhaustion, he'd been fighting for several days with barely any pause at that point, after all, and his body had been protesting the abuse at every junction. 

"No", Zoro admitted. His guard had been less than stellar on that side, the only reason his opponent had been able to get at his face at all. Thinking back on it he realized that the struggle to properly guard that side with his newly reduced vision seemed to have started even before he'd lost the eye. 

"Hm… okay well I have a theory what it might be, and if I'm right then a few days of Prednisone should make your cramps go away." 

* * *

Nami was just sorting the allowance everyone would get for their shore leave into neat little piles when Chopper approached her. 

"Which one's the medical budget?", he asked, looking a bit anxious. 

"That one", Nami said, pointing to one of the three larger piles. Everyone got their individual allowance, but food, medicine and ship repairs all got an extra budget so no one had to spend their individual money on anything it was their job to obtain. 

Chopper hopped on the chair across from Nami and started counting his share. "Since when are you so enthusiastic about the money? Spotted a new book you want?", Nami asked. Usually no one disturbed her while counting out the money. Zoro would sometimes complain about his debt when he came across her while dealing with money, and Sanji-kun sometimes got back from the local market with large eyes and a request to maybe, if she so deemed it, have a tiny bit more money to spend because he'd found some rare ingredient that was a bit pricier but would absolutely be worth it. To his credit, all the meals that had come about in this manner had been pretty excellent. 

"Uh, no…", Chopper said absently. "But I need more than this" 

"…How much more?", Nami asked skeptically. She knew that Chopper probably wasn't trying to con her out of any money for frivolous purposes, since he hadn't even looked at his personal allowance, yet, but Nami naturally got defensive when anyone wanted money from her. She couldn't really help it.

"I need this much", Chopper said, sliding her a piece of paper with some smart sounding medical words on it and a sum. 

"That's a fifty percent increase", Nami stated. She said nothing else, just looked at Chopper intently. That strategy usually worked great to stop Usopp from spending money on things he didn't actually need. He got flustered quite easily under her scrutiny. 

And so did Chopper, it seemed. He seemed to shrink in on himself, but before Nami could count this as an easy victory, he visibly steeled himself. 

"I know, but it's important", he said resolutely. 

"Why is it important? What do you need that much for?", Nami asked. 

"I can't tell you." 

"Well you're going to have to do better than that if you want me to spend money on something", Nami lectured. "Anyone can come and say 'it's important' and then spend the money on something stupid and if I just let that happen we'd probably be broke." 

"But I really can't tell you", Chopper insisted. He did look uncomfortable with that, though.

"Why?" 

"Doctor-patient confidentiality", Chopper said. 

"What?", Nami stared at him. "Is someone sick? Is it serious?" She looked back down at the note he'd given her. She'd only focused on the number, but the name _Interferon beta_ didn't mean anything to her. 

"I really can't tell you", Chopper said, crossing his hooves in front of himself. 

"But you don't want the extra money for something that you just happen to find cool, do you? You actually need this to help someone in this crew?" 

"Yes", Chopper confirmed. "But that's all I can tell you. Please don't go around trying to find out who it is, or anything, okay? I really am serious about the confidentiality issue and I don't think I even should've told you that anyone's sick at all." 

Nami didn't like the serious note in Chopper's tone. Because if it wasn't a serious thing that one of their nakama apparently had, Chopper probably wouldn't even be worried about the confidentiality thing. He'd been the one who'd told everyone when Usopp had fractured his toe trying to kick Franky in the shin, after all.

"Okay, I won't pry", Nami conceded. "But I do want you to promise me something, okay? Whatever it is, whoever it is, you'll make sure they're okay." 

"I'll do my best." 

"Okay then you can have your money."

* * *

As nice as the Thousand Sunny's design was, after two hours of staring at it, Sanji had concluded that the infirmary ceiling was not the most interesting part of Franky's masterpiece. And the fact that Chopper enforced a strict 'no smoking' rule was quite annoying. Along with the fact that Luffy was running around the ship and was probably hungry and might just go into Sanji's food stores unsupervised if no one paid attention all made Sanji quite cranky. 

Of course he could understand the logic of "don't walk around with a broken leg" but if he could just quickly go to the next room and cook a quick lunch so he knew certain stomachs would be mollified for the time being he'd have a much easier time laying still. 

Apparently the fracture wasn't complicated but it took a long time to take care of, so Chopper had opted to treat the other's injuries that didn't take as much time to take care of first. Which Sanji really wouldn't mind if he'd been allowed to do other stuff in the mean time while Chopper was busy anyway. 

"Fin- oh it's just you." And here he'd been getting his hopes up when the infirmary door, but instead of the reindeer of salvation he'd been waiting for it just revealed a garden variety marimo. 

Zoro greeted him with a grunt, if that could be called greeting and sat down on the chair at Chopper's desk. He didn't meet Sanji's eyes and there was something about his posture that told Sanji there was something stupid going on in his head. Or maybe it was just the greenness of said head that was telling him that, because, well… had anything smart ever passed through it. 

"Here to alleviate my boredom, Marimo?", Sanji asked. He really did need reprieve from his boredom. But he also had a pretty good idea what the idiot swordsman was probably thinking about and maybe if he picked a fight things would go back to normal. 

Not that picking a fight with a broken leg would be a great idea, but Sanji wasn't really patient enough to care. 

"I'm waiting for Chopper." 

"Oh join the freaking club. I'm pretty sure making me stay here is just a ploy of his to try to get me to stop smoking. It's not going to succeed." 

Zoro just reacted with another grunt. Sanji didn't miss the quick look the swordsman shot his leg, though. So he was right. The idiot felt bad about the fact that Sanji had broken his leg while saving him of all things. Really for someone who had so much experience with saving other people he dealt with it really badly when someone did it for him. 

It had been an odd stumble though, Sanji had to admit. He'd kind of been busy with his own fight not too far from the Marimo's so he hadn't seen exactly what had happened but when he'd looked over at one point he'd seen the swordsman staggering uncharacteristically into a blow that would've taken his head off if no one had interfered. So Sanji had skywalked over there, but without time to prepare a strategy he'd just ended up getting his own leg broken. 

He didn't think it was that big a deal, people on this crew got hurt protecting each other all the time, and it wasn't a bad break and the broken leg was the worst injury anyone on the crew had received from the fight, so overall everything was fine. Except for being stuck in the infirmary staring at the ceiling of course. 

But with the way Zoro was oozing uncomfortable aura into the room you'd think there was a huge problem around. Which was stupid coming from him, of course. As far as Sanji was concerned the idiot swordsman had forfeited the right to complain about anyone else's self sacrificial nature on Thriller Bark, and he would just have to accept that you can't be the big hero who saves everyone all the time. 

Not that getting your leg broken because the entire thought process in your strategy had been _oh if he loses his head that's probably bad_ was all that heroic, to be honest. 

Sanji was just going to say something else but just then the door opened, finally revealing the nakama he'd been waiting for. 

"Alright, I'm…" he started saying, but when he spotted Zoro he stopped. "Oh hey, Zoro, uh, maybe you wanna wait, I'll just take care of Sanji's leg, and then… cuz…" 

"It's alright", Zoro said gruffly, "He got hurt because of it, he has a right to know." 

"Oh… uh… well if you're sure", Chopper said anxiously, tapping his hooves together. He made a pause as though expecting Zoro to change his mind, but the swordsman just waved as if to say _Go on, then_. "Then it's probably better if we get the iv going first, that'll take longer than the leg…" 

Sanji couldn't think of anything other to do than to send questioning looks at them, but he was ignored for the time being. 

"So, what are your symptoms, then?", Chopper asked as he took a large bottle out of one of the cabinets, and shook it a few times. 

"I can't feel anything in my right leg", Zoro said. 

"And how about movement?"

"I can move it just fine, but my balance was off, because I couldn't feel it. It feels like I'm wading in cotton or something", Zoro said. Chopper looked at the swordman's right leg and prodded it a few times with his hoof. 

"Nothing at all?" 

"Nope" 

"And how about the other side?", the little reindeer said and poked his hoof into the left leg instead. 

"That one's normal." 

"Yeah it looks like you got another attack", Chopper said. "I'm gonna put you on high dose prednisone again, four days, and afterwards you take the pills again with lower dosage every day, you remember, right?" 

"Sure." 

Sanji wasn't quite sure what to think of the exchange, but he didn't really like it. At least what Zoro had said about his balance problems explained the stumble in the fight quite neatly, but the fact that neither of them seemed to be particularly surprised by the problem made Sanji feel on edge. 

"I was worried about this, to be honest", Chopper said while he attached some clear tubing to the bottle and let the air out. "This is a summer island after all." 

"And what does that mean?" Zoro asked. Summarizing Sanji's thoughts in that moment pretty well, to be honest. 

"MS gets worse with heat", Chopper explained. He tied a tourniquet around Zoro's arm and then poked a needle into one of the swordsman's prominent veins. He released the tourniquet again and attached the tubing to the needle. "It's more confirmation that that's what you have." 

"Okay I know I'm just the furniture to you guys now", Sanji said irritably, unable to hold his tongue any longer, "but what the hell is MS and why does Zoro have that?" 

"It's a disease. It's called multi… something. It messes with nerves", Zoro said. 

"Multiple sclerosis, it's a neurological disorder", Chopper said much more professionally, but not really more helpfully. 

"Okay…?", Sanji said, hoping it would prompt them into elaborating. 

"It's an autoimmune disease, that means that the body's immune system attacks the body itself for some unknown reason. In MS that happens in the brain and the spinal chord, it demyelinates the axons and depending where the lesion is it can cause all sorts of different neurological symptoms", Chopper explained. Or it would've been an explanation, anyway, if his audience had understood it. 

"It does what to the what?", Sanji asked. Sometimes Chopper liked to get carried away with medical terms, forgetting that not all of them had the vast knowledge of words that Robin-chan did. 

"Oh, um, right, basically it messes with the isolation of the nerve cells so they don't work properly anymore." 

"But isn't Zoro's brain cell isolated, anyway?", Sanji said. 

"What? The isolation is made of glial cells and they get damaged…" 

"Because he only has the one brain cell, it's isolated", Sanji clarified. 

"Oh, that was an insult. That's funny", Chopper said.

"If you have to say it's funny, it probably wasn't", Sanji sighed. "So anyway, basically his immune system is trying to eat his brain, and that's why his leg didn't work properly?" 

Chopper looked a bit confused at the summary. "Well it's not really eating…" 

"Pretty much, yeah", Zoro interjected. 

"But the analogy's kinda…" Chopper protested. Zoro silenced him with a look. Sanji was pretty convinced that brain cells being eaten was probably exactly the extent to which the marimo had understood Chopper's explanation, too. 

"So how bad is that? God knows the marimo can't afford to lose many brain cells", Sanji said. 

"It's as bad as it wants to be, basically", Zoro said. 

"It's unpredictable", Chopper added. "It usually comes in attacks where symptoms happen, like vision problems, or trouble moving or sensing, stuff like that. And how bad it is depends on how often an attack happens and what gets affected. When there's an attack steroids usually help control the symptoms and there's medication that can make the attack frequency go down, so it's pretty manageable." 

"Wait, wait, wait, so marimo's leg falling asleep or whatever means he has an 'attack' right now, right?" Chopper nodded at that. "So right now you're pumping him full of steroids?"

"Uh… yes." 

"Great… because what that muscle head really needs is steroids", Sanji said with a snort. 

"But… that's not the same thing, though…", Chopper protested, but Zoro cut him off. 

"Jealous, scrawny cook? Want me to share some with you?", Zoro said. 

"Nah, I prefer having my clothes fit me." 

"But it's really not the same thing", Chopper said with a pout. "Anyway, I'll patch up your leg now, Sanji, Luffy's hungry, he's been getting really rowdy." 

"He didn't get into the hold to steal food, though, did he?", Sanji asked with a tinge of panic in his voice. 

And with that the topic of discussion was successfully derailed from Zoro's strange illness. 

But as Chopper chattered away while making preparations to make Sanji a cast, the cook couldn't help but wonder…

Well it wasn't like he was worried about the shitty swordsman.

That would just be silly. 

* * *

"Now close your eyes and then touch your nose with your index finger." 

Zoro knew his finger was shaking as he did as instructed. Usopp of all people had asked him why his hand was shaking. Zoro had made something up about that being from too much training, which the sniper had accepted without any scrutiny. For someone who was their official liar he was really bad at spotting untruths himself. 

He knew that his hand was shaking, but he hadn't expected his finger to land in the in his cheekbone instead of the tip of his nose that he'd been aiming for. 

"Wait, let me try again", Zoro said. He didn't open his eyes, took his finger from his face and tried the same exercise again. Only to end up with his finger in the middle of his forehead instead. 

He opened his eye and stared at his hand that had ended up in front of it in irritation. 

"Have you had any other problems? Problems speaking or walking, kind of like being drunk?", Chopper asked. 

"No, my hand just starts shaking when I try to grab something", Zoro grumbled. 

"Okay, well tell me if any of that happens, okay? For now I'll just start you on another round of prednisone", Chopper said. 

"Wasn't that other stuff, the interferon, supposed to make the attacks less frequent?" It had barely been two months since the first time he'd talked to Chopper about his muscle cramps and this was the third time the reindeer was opting to pump high dose steroids into him.

"Doesn't mean that they don't happen at all, though", Chopper said. "Do you have the intention tremor on the other side, too?" 

"Intention tremor?"

"Oh that's what that symptom is called, basically it means that the shaking gets worse the closer you get to your goal", Chopper explained while taking the medicine out of his cabinet. 

 _The closer you get to your goal, huh_ , Zoro thought, but opted not to say anything. 

* * *

While being a living skeleton had its drawbacks, not having any visible eyes yet still being capable of seeing things could be a quite substantial advantage, Brook thought. Such as when you could sneak furtive glances at someone all the time without them being any the wiser. 

He'd had the impression for a while that Zoro-san had been sleeping differently lately. He didn't really nap around the deck more often, but when he did he was less easy to wake now, almost as if his fatigue was greater than it used to be. The musician had decided to honor that by playing loud music around the sleeping swordsman less often, hoping whatever sleep deficit had befallen the man would resolve itself on its own. 

But after today's fight against some marines Brook had the suspicion that lack of sleep wasn't the underlying problem here. Even if he wasn't sure that what he'd witnessed had any connection to the sleeping problems. 

The white sword had dropped from Zoro-san's mouth today. Brook had never seen that happen before, and judging from the look on his fellow swordsman's face he had not been expecting it, either. Admittedly he'd gotten a rather harsh whack on his head in the fight, but it had been disconcerting nonetheless. 

Brook hadn't had the liberty to focus on Zoro-san all that closely after he'd been sure that he'd recovered adequately from the stumble, because he'd had his own fight to contend with. But whenever he'd glanced the green headed man's way afterwards he'd only been fighting with two swords instead of his customary three. And while he fought with only one or two swords often enough for it to be a familiar sight, seeing it following that earlier incident was disconcerting. 

Hence the discreet observation the skeleton was conducting right now. The Straw Hat's dinner was as raucous as ever. But as he paid attention to it, he became aware of the Swordsman gripping his knife a little more tightly than usual and a slight quiver in its movements whenever he tried cutting something. 

But it wasn't much, and Brook would almost have been ready to dismiss it as his imagination over-interpreting some harmless little variation in his nakama's movement. 

Not everyone could be as subtle in their staring as Brook though. Sanji-san looked at Zoro-san's hand with narrowed eyes at one point, and then shook his head as if to dislodge whatever he had been thinking about and concerned himself with other matters. Chopper-san looked over to the swordsman at odd intervals, with concealed but still noticeable worry in his eyes. Usopp-san snook a few suspicious glances here and there, but just like Brook didn't seem to know enough about the issue. 

Nothing escaped their archaeologists watchful look, apparently not even the subtle changes in Brook's head's position when he looked at different people, and the way she looked at the skeleton first, before shifting her gaze to the swordsman indicated she was aware of where his attention had been directed most of the evening. 

A pity. 

He'd really rather have believed he'd imagined it. 

* * *

Zoro woke up with a groan of annoyance. It was the middle of the night and he was tired to the bone. No matter how much he slept recently it never seemed to be enough to make him really awake, so he didn't appreciate his body waking him up for something so stupid. 

He couldn't remember what dream he'd been having, but the cooling wetness between his legs told him he'd have probably enjoyed it if he still knew what it was. He didn't enjoy waking up to this at all, though. He couldn't even remember the last time a dream had made him change his sheets but he was pretty sure it had been several years ago. 

He really didn't have the nerve to deal with this right now. But just staying in bed and not doing anything about it would only be more trouble in the long run. So he decided to clean himself off first and grab some fresh sheets on the way back to bed. 

It took a moment to force his limbs to cooperate, which annoyed him to no end. He still only had a vague sensation in his right leg, not completely numb as it had been initially, but the prednisone hadn't helped as much as he'd hoped for them to. It had been this way for two months now, he'd mostly adjusted to it, but living on a ship was not made easier by having a newfound balance problem. 

He dragged himself to the nearest toilet and blearily switched on the light in the small room. His reflection looked almost more tired than he felt. He'd already toyed with the idea of asking Chopper to give him a sleeping aid to finally get him some rest, but he didn't really want to pump more chemicals into his body. Especially considering the stuff Chopper already gave him didn't really help all that much. 

The idea that without that stuff it would all be even worse was not a pleasant one. 

Neither was the discovery he made as he pulled his boxers down. Instead of the white sticky substance he'd been expecting he found his underwear thoroughly soaked, and a slightly acidic smell rose up to meet his nostrils. 

He'd wet the bed. 

And what was even worse, there were still drops coming out of him, trinkling down his leg lazily and if he hadn't seen it he would never have known. He tried to make it stop, but found the function to be completely out of his control. It stopped on its own after a few moments, but that wasn't all that reassuring. 

The last time he'd wet the bed was when he'd been six and had won a silly challenge for who could drink the most water in the evening. 

He grabbed some toilet paper and did his best to rub himself dry, and then stuffed some more down his pants in case his bladder decided to make this a repeat performance. 

Until he realized what exactly it was he was doing here. 

He was, for all intents and purposes, building himself a makeshift diaper. 

_People who wear diapers don't become the World's Greatest Swordsman._

He wasn't quite sure where that thought came from, it wasn't as if those two things had any particular relationship to each other, but it hit him hard enough to make him flop down on the toilet seat and stare at the white tiles of the wall for a while. 

It wasn't like this was the first time he'd had his doubts since his nervous system had decided to screw him over whenever it so pleased. But he'd always been able to push those thoughts away, focus on redoubling his training efforts. Nothing was going to stop him from fulfilling his promise to Kuina, not any outside force, and certainly not his own body. 

But despite Chopper's best effort none of the symptoms had really gone away. Whenever they were nearing a summer island his left arm kept cramping up to the point of barely being usable, his right leg only really felt anything when he walked straight into something and whenever he tried grabbing something with his right hand he had to concentrate to the point of blending out everything else so he was able to keep the shaking under control enough to actually do what he intended to do. 

Not to mention that he couldn't close his jaw with enough force to hold a sword in between it anymore. That was probably the worst out of all of them. He'd started using Wadou in Kitetsu's or Shusuui's place sometimes so he didn't stop using her alltogether. All the while he'd done his best to train himself to be able to use Santoryu again. But it wasn't really an issue of training, it wasn't that his muscles weren't strong enough, it was that his brain didn't properly tell them what to do anymore. 

Before this whole mess had started he'd never believed that there was anything he couldn't make his own body do by sheer willpower, even if it took gruelling training and a long time. 

But now he was starting to realize that not everything could be solved by conviction alone. That it didn't matter how much you wanted to do something when the nerve cells responsible just weren't functioning anymore. 

He'd stolen some of Chopper's books a few weeks ago. He still wasn't quite sure if that had been a good idea or not. He hadn't understood everything in there, for some reason doctors didn't seem to like using words everyone could understand and preferred using a whole different set of terms to say what they meant. 

But he'd understood enough to know that while Chopper had been honest to him about the unpredictability of the disease he'd glossed over how bad it could be and the fact that it was incurable. He'd said a lot about how it was manageable, but sitting here on the toilet with his new found incontinence it didn't feel particularly well managed. 

Sure, he could get another round of steroids from Chopper, and maybe it wouldn't be quite as bad in the day, but none of the other symptoms had gone away completely thus far and he'd have to get used to this in some form or another. 

At the rate things were going he'd probably be completely unable to fight and maybe even unable to take care of himself before the year was out. 

And if he couldn't hold his own in a fight he'd inevitably become a liability. The cook had already broken his leg saving Zoro from a stumble that would never have happened if his body was working correctly. If they'd have to protect him even more his nakama were bound to get hurt more often, more seriously… and that wasn't acceptable at all. Putting his crew in danger just because he wasn't able to keep up was not something he could allow. 

And his dream… it hurt to think about it, but Zoro had never been one to deceive himself. If he were to face Mihawk now he wouldn't survive. He hadn't been quite strong enough when he'd left Kuraigana island a few months ago, and now, with all his new found deficits it didn't matter how well he'd adjust to them, he was no match for a world class swordsman with all of his limbs. 

And it would only get worse. More symptoms were sure to crop up. And he wasn't sure that if he met Mihawk right now, he'd do any better than the first time he'd fought against him. 

He couldn't fulfill his promise to Kuina. 

And he couldn't fulfill his promise to Luffy, either. 

It felt like a hand of ice had wormed its way into his chest and it was all he could do to keep breathing while it squeezed all of the blood out of his heart. 

There were tears running down his cheek he absently noted. 

The shaking was so bad he almost poked his remaining eye out when he tried to wipe them away.

* * *

The decision he'd come to was reasonable. An obvious choice, given the circumstances. He'd thought about it very carefully several times over and the conclusion had always been the same. 

Still it took Zoro close to a week to finally decide to act on it. 

Probably because while he knew that it was the correct choice to make and that he needed to act on it, he really didn't want to. 

But if what he wanted really factored into anything he wouldn't be in this situation right now, wouldn't even have to contemplate the step he was about to take now. Just a few weeks ago this had been unthinkable to him, so was it any surprise that he had a hard time actually going through with it? 

Hesitating didn't change anything, though. So he'd tried to make a plan for how to do this. Initially he'd thought he'd talk to Luffy alone and then inform the rest of the crew. But that meant doing this twice, and he didn't know if he could handle that. Just the thought of speaking these words once was so daunting he wasn't sure he'd be capable of it. 

He had to, though. There was no going around it, so it was better to plow straight through it and deal with the fallout later instead of worrying about it now. 

The crew was still sitting around the galley table after dinner. The cook was already starting on the dishes, while Robin and Brook were still drinking tea, Nami was trying unsuccessfully to explain something to their captain about their course, while Usopp entertained Chopper with a tall tale about something or other. 

They were all perfectly happy. 

And Zoro was just about to ruin all of that. 

But there was no chickening out, not now. He'd always faced all of his challenges head on and there was no reason to deal with this one any differently. 

He took a deep breath. "Luffy." 

There must've been something in Zoro's tone that Luffy picked up on, because he immediately diverted his attention to his first mate. 

Better get it over with then. 

"I need your permission to leave the crew." 

There was an audible gasp from Nami, a dull clang announcing that Sanji had dropped something into the sink and the sound of several heads whipping around to look at Zoro so quickly they might've given themselves whiplash. 

But Zoro's attention wasn't on any of them. He looked Luffy straight in the eye and told himself to stay resolute in the face of the shock and hurt flashing over his captain's features. 

"Why?", Luffy asked. Everyone else was silent, staring at the swordsman and captain in somethign between shock and abject horror. 

"Because I can't become the world's greatest swordsman anymore." The words tasted like acid on his tongue, but his voice didn't waver. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Nami press her hands over her mouth, Usopp's jaw dropping and Sanji's face losing all color. 

Luffy looked like the words physically hurt him. Just like they were hurting Zoro. 

"Because of the limping?", Luffy asked. So he'd noticed. Of course he had. Luffy was very observant when it came to things like that, but he'd apparently not seen the need to mention it before. 

Zoro nodded. "It's not just the limping. I'm losing control of my movements, I can't hold three swords anymore and it's only a matter of time before I can't hold any. The medicine's not helping and if Chopper can't make it better, no one can."

There was a whimper from the other end of the table but Zoro didn't turn around. He kept his eyes on his captain. If he looked at the reindeer crying it wouldn't be good for his composure. 

"If I can't fight, I'm a liability", Zoro went on explaining. "I won't let anyone get hurt trying to protect me when I can't protect anyone in return. I'm refuse to stand in the way of anyone's dream." 

"And that's why I need to leave", he finished. 

There. He'd said it. He couldn't think of anything else to add, he didn't want to describe the symptoms in any more detail if he didn't have to and there was nothing he could say to soften the blow of this. 

Luffy was looking at him seriously, with that unreadable look of his. Zoro wasn't sure what his captain was thinking in that moment, and found himself kind of glad that he didn't. 

Seeing that he didn't really have anything more to say he pushed his chair away from the table and left the galley.

* * *

The atmosphere on the ship following swordsman-san's announcement was oppressing, gloomy even, not at all characteristic for the usually so lively straw hat crew. After the announcement no one had really known what to say, and Zoro had left several minutes of stunned silence in his wake. 

The various levels of shock and pain she'd seen on her nakama's faces had been too much for her soon and she'd left the galley in search of a good book that would calm her raging thoughts. She hadn't been successful. She kept losing her line while reading, an issue she usually never had and after she was done with one page she found herself not having retained any of its contents at all. 

It just hit too close to home. She hadn't been there the night Usopp-san had left because he'd sought to defend the Going Merry, but she'd seen the impact it had had on the crew even weeks later. She'd thought she'd understood, but now she realized she'd been sorely mistaken. The idea of a nakama leaving the crew for whatever reason hurt so much more than she'd realized. 

And she'd tried to do the same thing to them, too. 

Now she was incredibly grateful that they hadn't let her, that they'd followed her to Enies Lobby and taken her back with them. Not just for her sake, but for their own as well. The integrity of the crew was precious to all of them, an integral part of their strength as a unit and now she knew that losing any part of it would've had terrible consequences. 

But swordsman-san specifically… 

He'd always symbolized stability to her. He'd always recognized the importance of the crew's bonds and integrity and he'd been fiercely protective of them. When Robin had initially joined he'd been suspicious of her because he'd been protecting the crew as a whole. When he'd argued against Usopp rejoining the crew without admitting to his wrongs he'd been looking out for the group's cohesion as well. 

Having such a strong and integral part of them leave was unthinkable. She couldn't even imagine what the crew would look like without him. 

After her failure of reading she'd decided to walk around the ship for a little while. She didn't know what it was exactly she was looking for, maybe just a little companionship, maybe a discussion, just something.

Below deck she heard some loud crashing noises and decided to investigate.

She found Franky rummaging through his workshop at an astounding speeds and Usopp behind him, trying to minimize the damage caused by flying parts of something or other.

Robin crossed her hands and had several new ones materialize on the floor to catch the potentially hazardous materials that were flying around. 

"Franky, seriously, you're going to damage the ship what are you even trying to do?", Usopp yelled helplessly, ducking from a wrench flying at his head. Robin had one of her hands catch it. 

"Isn't that obvious?", the large cyborg yelled. "I'm gonna fix swordbro." 

"You're gonna what?" 

"They should've just told me earlier", Franky said resolutely. "I mean really, some of his wiring's messed up, doesn't need to be a big deal. I'm good with wiring, we'll have him fixed up and super again in no time." 

"But Chopper said it's in his brain!", Usopp protested. "You can't really replace the wires in there." 

"Well you don't know until you try!" 

"You can't just try messing with someone's brain!" 

"But I have to do something! Sword-bro can't just leave all of a sudden. Did any of you see that coming?", Franky asked, turning around to face the two of them. From how he'd sounded Robin would've assumed he was angry, but now she could see that there was something else in his features. Fear. A fear that Robin found mirrored in herself. 

"I saw his hand shaking a few times, but he said it was just from overdoing his training. I mean you know how he is, I thought that was it", Usopp admitted. 

"I saw him having some issues with his movement, but he was talking to Chopper more frequently so I assumed it was being dealt with", Robin added. She'd been a bit worried, but Zoro himself had not acted any different from normal, so she'd never been fully aware of the scope of the problem. Or maybe she just hadn't been willing to see it for what it was, she had no idea.

"I didn't know at all", Franky said and all his previous energy seemed to be depleted. "This week sucks!" 

That, Robin found herself agreeing with wholeheartedly.

* * *

Until she saw Chopper sitting in the infirmary crying his eyes out Nami hadn't really thought about the fact that this must actually be a lot worse for the reindeer than it was for the rest of them. And it was already horrible for any of them. 

But she still couldn't stop herself from asking. 

"Isn't there anything you can do? Some other medicine to try? Money is not an issue!" 

"It's not about money", Chopper said miserably. "None of the medicines I tried worked, but I was lucky to even got those around here. There's some experimental stuff but we're not gonna be able to get any of that in the New World, and I don't know if it would help." 

At that moment Luffy entered the infirmary. He didn't say anything however, just looked at both of them with that unreadable look of his. 

"Okay so what if we weren't in the New World? What if we left the Grand Line? I know that's not ideal, but it's better than abandoning him, isn't it?", Nami said.

"I don't think that'd help. His symptoms are progressing so fast that he'd already be much worse by the time we got anywhere and there's no way to make the symptoms he has now disappear anymore, anyway", Chopper lamented. 

"So you can't heal him?", Luffy asked. Nami felt something in her clench at the tone. 

Chopper sniffed loudly before answering. "No. I've been trying my best, I really have, but nothing's working. I failed." 

Just seeing Chopper with that heartbreaking look on his face made tears raise up in Nami's own. Of course none of this was Chopper's fault, even the best Doctor could only do so much, but she knew how hard this had to be hitting him. 

"Can anyone else heal him?", Luffy asked. 

"I don't think so", Chopper answered miserably. "The medicines all basically try to do the same thing just in different ways and none of that has helped Zoro so far and it's happening so quickly. This disease usually takes years to get to this point, it happened to Zoro in a few months. There's reports about cases like this and they all say that no matter what medicine they tried nothing helped." 

"But that doesn't mean you're going to let him leave the crew though, right, Luffy?", Nami asked. 

He didn't reply, just looked at her unhappily, and that just made Nami feel even more as if someone had a dark cloud tempo hanging over her, trying to smother her with the air pressure. 

7777777777777777777777777777

Zoro wasn't sure what he'd been expecting when he went back into the galley a few hours but Sanji staring morosely at the table with a half empty bottle of rum of all things probably wasn't it. 

"Oh there he is, the asshole of the hour", the cook said with a sneer and poured some more rum into his glass before knocking it back with a determination Zoro had never seen the cook display with alcohol before. Usually he was all prissy wines and appreciating the good stuff and what not. 

"What are you doing?"

"Trying to get drunk. If you wanna get drunk, get your own." The cook waved vaguely over to the liquor cabinet he usually yelled at Zoro for even trying to get near. Zoro wasn't quite sure how drunk the cook was trying to become, but he was probably already half way there. 

Zoro just shrugged and went over to get himself some sake. It wasn't often that the cook let him have free reign of the liquor after all, so better take advantage while it lasted. 

Not that Zoro would be on the ship long enough to enjoy such opportunities that much longer anyway. 

And that thought really made him want to get drunk out of his skull too. 

"You suck", Sanji announced grandly when Zoro sat down in front of him. 

"What, I even got a glass", Zoro said testily. As far as he was concerned glasses weren't really conducive to getting drunk, especially considering that they both had their own bottle. 

"Don't play dumb. Do you even really understand what you're doing here?", Sanji accused. 

Honestly Zoro would rather play dumb than discuss this, but he hadn't really expected any different with the bomb he'd dropped on them. 

"Yes, I do understand. Do you understand why I'm doing it, though?" 

"Yes. doesn't mean I don't get to hate you for it, though", Sanji shot back. He waved his glass around a bit, splashing some rum on the table. He didn't seem to care. More than halfway to drunk then, probably. 

"You can hate me however much you like, ero-cook, doesn't really change anything", Zoro said. 

"But do you remember what it was like when Usopp left the crew? How bad that hurt? How that almost tore us apart? Well this is worse!" 

"How is this worse?", Zoro asked. Because honestly that wasn't something he'd expected to hear from the cook of all people concerning his leaving. Maybe it was the fact that Usopp hadn't actually left for good back then.

"Because at least Usopp would've still been alive! Don't think I didn't hear the subtext shitty marimo! Your nerve thing is gonna get worse, and you'll die on some shitty island all alone, and you really think we're gonna let you do that?" 

"Well I'm not gonna let you guys jeopardize your dreams by taking care of someone who can't hold his own anymore", Zoro said resolutely. He wasn't too keen on arguing this out with a drunk cook, but he had to make sure his nakama understood why he was doing this. 

"Oh don't talk to me about dreams, marimo", Sanji said bitterly. "If you can't do yours, what hope do the rest of us have?" 

"What's that supposed to mean?" 

"You know I never would've left the Baratie if you and Luffy hadn't almost killed yourselves for your dreams right at our doorstep. I was gonna stay on that boat until Zeff died probably, and let's be realistic here the geezer's probably gonna outlive us all. Your determination was part of what convinced me to go for it. But if not even that is enough, why even bother trying?" There was a certain defeated look to the cook, even though he was staring at the table top and not meeting Zoro's eye. 

"What, you thinking of giving up, cook?" Zoro goaded. 

"Even if I did you don't get to lecture me about that! Not with what you're trying to pull here!", Sanji shouted. 

"That's exactly why you don't get to give up, shit-cook. I'm doing this to not stand in anyone's way, but if it turns out you're not even going anywhere…" 

"What, then you'll abandon this stupid idea and stay?", Sanji challenged. Of course he wouldn't. Zoro knew what he needed to do, and the cook threatening to doubt All Blue wasn't any justification for putting his crew in danger.

"You're such a drama queen, anyway. It's not that big a deal to need to be saved from time to time, what's to say you'd put anyone in danger? We all save each other all the time, it doesn't make any difference." 

"You already got your leg broken last time", Zoro argued. "What's to say you don't crack your skull open next time?" 

"Well it's my shitty skull and it's my decision whether or not to risk it for your even shittier one", Sanji ground out between clenched teeth. 

"Did someone say skull?" Both Zoro and Sanji looked up at the skeleton's pleasant voice. Maybe Zoro was getting to halfway drunk, too, he hadn't even heard the skeleton approach. Or maybe his hearing had decided to be the next thing to abandon him, who knew. 

"Do you have some special power to hear that word or something?", Sanji asked, looking up at the musician standing in the doorway. 

"Alas no, but I was heading here in hope of a soothing drop myself", Brook admitted. "Would you allow me to join you?" 

"Yes, but only if you say gloomy and hopeless things, wouldn't wanna ruin the mood", the cook said with a groan. "Can you even get drunk?" 

"Well I certainly hope so", Brook said, heading over to the liquor cabinet and picking a bottle for himself. "At the very least I don't run the risk of damaging my liver." 

The skeleton's arrival had derailed the conversation, so neither of them said anything as the musician sat down next to Sanji. 

"You know", Brook started after a few moments of drinking in silence. "This is very similar to something that happened with my old crew."

"Really? What happened there?", Sanji asked. Zoro had not been going to. Considering the skeleton's tone and Sanji's earlier rule to only say gloomy things he had a feeling this wasn't something he really wanted to hear.

"Our captain and several other crewmembers fell ill with a disease we couldn't cure that risked infecting the entire crew. So they decided to leave the grand line while the rest of us stayed behind to get a new ship and try to fulfill our promise to Laboon." 

"So, what happened to them? Did they make it?", the cook asked. His bottle was nearing empty. Much more quickly than Zoro would've thought him capable of getting there.

"I have no idea. A few months later the rest of us all died", Brook said wistfully. 

"See? Right there, Marimo! You pull shit like this and everyone dies!", Sanji declared. 

"Well then you guys have to make sure that that doesn't happen, don't you?", Zoro shot back.  

"I don't have a very good track record with that…", Brook mused. "Maybe you should stay, Zoro-san and make sure we don't mess up."

"Look, I'm not sure that you really understand. I have two dreams. Me becoming the world's greatest swordsman and Luffy becoming the pirate king. I can't accomplish the first and won't be able to help with the second" Oh there was that feeling again of his heart being twisted forcefully against the arteries connected to it. "And if I can't help, I sure as hell am not going to risk interfering with it. That's how it is. And it doesn't matter whether or not you like it." 

"Well regardless I'd like to have it stated for the record that I do not in fact like it", Brook stated.

"Me neither", Sanji agreed. 

* * *

If one were to describe the atmosphere on the Thousand Sunny in the days following the marimo's announcement, tense would be an understatement. No matter what, it seemed to be the foremost issue in everyone's mind but everyone was reluctant to talk about it, so the ship stayed uncharacteristically quiet. 

At least they hadn't been at an island where the shitty swordsman could've just walked off to right after his declaration. Maybe that was the solution to the problem. Keep him hostage on the ship until he couldn't walk under his own power anymore and then he'd never leave. 

Except that of course wouldn't actually solve anything. 

If you asked Sanji what he hated most about the situation, it would be that it didn't even give him proper grounds for hating the marimo. It wasn't the shitty green idiot's fault that this was happening to him, and however much he hated the conclusion that had lead the idiot to, Sanji would be lying if he said he didn't understand the logic of it. 

But no, that wasn't the worst thing. The worst thing was that Luffy hadn't yet told the marimo to go stuff his shitty idea up his butt or however their captain would've phrased it. And Sanji had the suspicion that was because he understood the same logic and if he'd speak out he'd have to approve the Marimo's request and he wasn't ready for that. None of them were. 

How Zoro had arrived at the conclusion that he didn't stand a chance at achieving his dream anymore Sanji didn't know. But if Zoro the most bone headed determined person that Sanji knew thought so, it was probably true. 

And the cook hadn't seen it. Had no idea until the shitty marimo had dropped that bomb on them how bad it was. Even though he'd known. How hadn't he seen it? 

Now they were anchored at an island and Sanji had been having an uneasy feeling all day. Nami-swan had negotiated that no matter what they wouldn't just leave the marimo on any island without knowing what sort of place it was, so they'd see what the place was like and then talk about it in the evening. Luffy would have to give his approval or denial to the swordsman's request of leaving the crew then, and Sanji knew he wasn't the only one who dreaded that conversation. 

But something felt off. He was dreading that conversation, sure, but there was something else bothering the cook, and he just couldn't pinpoint what it was. He'd replenished the food stores in the morning, getting a lay of the land, too. It was a fairly average island and it wouldn't actually be a bad place to leave the marimo. The problem was just that leaving a nakama at all was a bad thing. 

It was mid afternoon by now, and he'd checked the supplies several times over to see if he'd forgotten anything important, but no matter what he did that niggling feeling in the back of his mind wouldn't go away. By now it was bothering him more than his overall uncomfortableness with the situation. 

Maybe a walk would clear his head. Maybe he just needed to get away from the ship a bit, try to sort himself out and then he'd be able to deal with whatever was coming in a better way. 

That decided he left the boat to Usopp who was on watch and decided to stroll along the pristine beach. It really was pretty around here. It was a spring island, pleasantly warm but not too hot and the waves crashing on the sandy shore made Sanji feel a bit better, breathe a little lighter. 

There were certainly worse places to stay. But no matter how nice it was, it couldn't compare to being aboard the Thousand Sunny surrounded by your nakama, of that Sanji was absolutely certain. 

But really going on a walk was doing wonders for his disposition, and he felt a lot better for doing it. 

Until he passed some larger rock and spotted the form on the ground. 

For a moment all he really registered was the flash of green and a large amount of red seeping into the sand.

And then his brain caught up with what his eyes were seeing and he then he was running closer so fast he almost tripped over his own feet. 

"Zoro!", he called out, looking around frantically to try and spot the enemy that must've done this, but there was no trace of anyone. "What happened here?" 

The swordsman looked up at him blearily, lying on his side, blood running freely from a large gash in his abdomen. 

Sanji wasted no time dropping to his knees and in the same motion yanked his jacket of his shoulders to press it against the huge wound to stop the blood flow.

A few inches from Zoro's extended right hand there was a blood stained wakizashi lying on the ground. Maybe the enemy had dropped it, but why…

And then it hit him so hard he almost forgot to breathe. 

The white wrapped hilt of the short sword, the gash on the swordsman's stomach…

"No", he whispered, his voice coming out as a mere croak because he didn't have any air in him. "No", he repeated more forcefully and he knew there was hysteria creeping into his tone, but he didn't much care. "Tell me this isn't what it looks like!" 

"Probably is though", Zoro mumbled back. 

"You… you bastard! Why would you do this?", Sanji screamed, pressing his jacket to the wound harder, ignoring the cringe on the swordsman's face. 

"Because it's better this way", he said. "Cleaner" 

"Cleaner? I got a blood soaked suit jacket here that would disagree with you!" 

"Didn't ask you to do that", Zoro noted. "You guys weren't gonna let me leave. And I'd rather go now, with dignity than wait to become a drooling invalid." His voice was low, but still steady. Sanji just had to figure out a way to get him back to Chopper while keeping the pressure on the wound… 

"Well I'm not gonna let you, asshole", Sanji said defiantly. It wasn't even that much blood. Or it was, but not compared to what he'd seen come out of the swordsman before. You couldn't paint half of the blood drenched area on Thriller Bark with this, and the swordsman had survived that one just fine. 

Except back then Zoro had scraped by by concentrating all his willpower on living to see another day. And now that willpower was aimed at the exact opposite goal. 

"Take good care of them", Zoro said. And it sounded so final, and Sanji knew what this was, what this meant but he didn't want to hear it didn't want it to be real, any of it. "They're in your hands now." 

"I'm not replacing you! I won't! I can't! I don't want to!", Sanji yelled. 

"I'm not asking you to be me, I'm asking you to be the best version of you", Zoro said. And how did he have the audacity to sound so damn calm saying these things? There had to be a rule against that somewhere, right?

"Yeah well fuck you, I'm already shitty perfect!", the cook snapped back, trying to sound more angry than hysterical but he knew he wasn't doing a good job of it. 

"Good", Zoro said with a faint chuckle. His eye wasn't properly focused on Sanji anymore. "Just promise me one thing." 

"Oh hell no, where do you get off doing something like this and then demanding shit from me?" 

"You're gonna make Luffy Pirate King. And you're gonna find that ocean. Promise me", Zoro said seriously, and he seemed a bit more focused on Sanji as he was saying it. 

The cook didn't know what he'd been expecting, but concern for him finding All Blue wasn't it. Concern for the crew, yes, for Luffy's dream… but for Sanji's? At this moment? It left him speechless for a moment. 

"Sanji, promise me", Zoro repeated and his voice was still calm but it sounded wheezier now. 

"I… I promise", Sanji managed to gasp out. He'd sometimes wondered if Zoro even knew his name. Hearing it now, he'd kind of have preferred if he didn't. 

"Good. I leave it to you, then. Tell Luffy… it's been an honor." The swordsman's single remaining eye was closing.

"What, and none of us get to say it to you?", Sanji asked, trying to sound offended or angry or even sarcastic, but in this moment he wasn't capable of masking any of his feelings. 

A small smile tugged at the swordsman's lips but he didn't answer. Didn't move at all any more, and the labored breathing was gone. If Sanji had been capable of finding any other words Zoro wouldn't have heard them anymore. 

So he didn't hear the cook's sobbing breaking the silence, either. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a prompt by zosan-no-mi on Tumblr.
> 
> Original prompt: "since you know a lot about the medical field, i know there’s some sort of sickness where one would lose his motor skills slowly but surely. how about giving zoro that and explore his feelings about this as a fighter and his dream to be the world’s greatest swordsman? ((and his sudden incompitence in protecting his beloved crew)) zosan or not, it’s your call! :D"


End file.
